Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bert Tries New Sleeping Tool

It would appear as though the tough part is over. I've been Lunestaless since last Wednesday night and I'm not going back. I haven't been sleeping perfectly. But I have been getting about 5 ½-6 hours of sleep a night. Not completely restless. But way better than early last week. I'm so done with those pills. I can't believe I ever let them get a hold of me the way that they did.

A few weeks ago a friend suggested the freakiest thing I've ever heard for better sleep. It's called The Earthpulse BioMagnetic Field Supplementation machine. I'm a pretty open-minded dude but this machine is way out there. But I'm willing to try it.

Here's the description off their web site:
EarthPulse Sleep on Command™ is the most potent sleep, rejuvenation and performance enhancement technology ever discovered. PERIOD, or money back.

Here's the web site: There's some seriously freaky things going on at this site. But, hey, I'm willing to try this. Here's the description of this device:

In 2001 we stumbled upon a way to "tune" - down the neurological system into the deepest, most reparative sleep we'd ever achieved; while protecting the neurological system from the effects of constant ELF and radio frequency electromagnetic pollution (stress). Without deep sleep the body's cells can't fully recover from normal wear and tear, let alone heal its diseases or injuries. No other electromagnetic device in the world is designed for nighttime use, while you sleep. Its design allows for local application throughout the night as well as to work on stubborn issues.Think of EarthPulse™ as a tempo controller for your neurological and physiological system. Slowing down the rhythm results in deeper sleep and far better recovery.


EarthPulse™ provides a reliable method of utilizing sequences of very-weak magnetic fields, broadcast through your mattress, at frequencies that nature used to provide, to help lull you into deep and recuperative sleep (while supplementing a full range of geomagnetic 'vitamins' for improved health and vitality).

There's a 90 day money back guarantee on this thing. So if I don't get better sleep I have nothing to lose. But my friend swears it's done wonders for her.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

So, I'm on Facebook. We all are.

Just click here or here.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Bert Shares Disturbing Video

This might be one of the most disturbing stories I have ever seen on ESPN.

Click HERE to see it!

Bert Is Lunesta Free!

My goal this weekend was to go Lunestaless. After the bout I had on Thursday night/Friday morning I got more determined to kick the Lunesta habit. And I have this weekend. ZERO Lunesta since Thursday night. Nothing this weekend. And I slept pretty well. No problems. No rebound headaches/fatique. I was tempted to take the pill every night. But I held out. Tonight will be the toughest night, probably, 'cause my sleep patterns are always jacked up going into Monday morning's show. Having to get up at 3:30am every morning for this long has really taken a mental toll on me. But I'm feeling good about the progress made this week.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Bert vs. Lunesta

Starting to win the fight.

Good news and bad news. Three out of the last six nights have been Lunestaless. I'm not kidding when I say that every night I've had to fight myself NOT to take one. But I haven't. The bad news is that I've slept like ^%$# in those nights. Most nights without the Lunesta I'll get like 4 hours of sleep. And it's taken its toll. I've really been exhausted the past 48 hours. Like not being able to focus, cranky, short-fused. Not fun. Today I woke up and felt what was as close to a Migraine as I've ever felt. Muscles ached. Head was blazing. Just fatigued. I called in sick and just wanted to sleep.
But there is SOME good news. Maybe it was just catching up. But today was the first time in 4 years that I've gotten decent, solid sleep without the Lunesta for over 6 hours. I couldn't sleep at all last night. Got about 45 minutes of sleep before 3:30. But then went back to bed and didn't wake up 'til after 9:30. And I woke up feeling great. Headache? Gone. Muscle ache? Gone. I feel like I could run a marathon, actually. Like I said, it's possible it's just because this is the first time I've gotten sleep all week. But I haven't felt this GOOD after sleep in a very long time.

The goal is to go all weekend with no Lunesta at all. I'm over it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Bert's Fight Continues!

Sunday night I took ¼ Lunesta and was out by 10:30. Woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. Pretty standard stuff. Blah. Blah. Blah. Gonna try and cut down to less than ¼ a pill tonight. I didn't get a nap in today so it SHOULD be easier to fall asleep. The fight goes on but I'm starting to feel more relaxed about it.

A One-Legged Swimmer from Alabama Showed Me What Life Is All About

First, I know many Bert Show listeners were following my progress when it came to my Track & Field training for the 2008 Transplant Games. One of the reasons I make the pilgrimage to the Transplant Games every two years is to remind me of how far I've come since my kidney transplant in 2002.But it's about more than my physical transformation from that hospital bed at Piedmont Hospital here in Atlanta to the track at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. It's the emotional part as well, and the attitude toward life these athletes and donors try to take with them when they go back to their trying lives.

Read more HERE....

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Friday night. No Lunesta. I went out to dinner at Chima and for drinks at the W. Got home around 1:30. Was beat by 1:45. You can't take sleeping pills if you've been drinking. I crashed pretty easily. But I was up every few hours tossing and turning. It wasn't a sound night of sleep. But it was some sleep. Can't tell if I felt crappy 'cause I had a few drinks or because I didn't sleep well. I didn't drink that much so it's probably a combination of both. But it was one night.

Saturday was all about family. We went to the aquarium. And by the time we got home it was time to put Hollis down for the night. The rest of the night was hanging with Hayden. Stacey and I went to bed around 11. No Lunesta. I couldn't sleep at all! I stared at the ceiling 'til about 1:30. Then I got up and took ¼ a pill. No real effect. I think I did go to sleep. But it was one of those sleeps where you're really not sleeping at all, ya know? So I'm pretty cranky today. The good news is I didn't have that heart-racing thing I always have. I didn't feel awake. Just couldn't sleep.

Not sure how to handle tonight. My alarm goes off at 3:20am so my Sunday/Monday sleep patterns are all jacked up. I'll probably concede and do another ¼ tonight with the goal of being off it entirely by the end of the week.

Friday, July 18, 2008


It looked as though last night had to be the night. I was going to an event at Door 44 and wouldn't be home 'til after 9pm. The usual time I take the Lunesta. Rather than stick the Lunesta in my pocket and take it at the event, then drive home in time for it to kick in, I wasn't going to bring it at all. And I didn't! Stacey and I went to the event. We then met some friends out. We got home about 10:30. Way too lat to take a Lunesta before bed. But, again, I gave in. I will give myself a little credit. I only took ¼ a pill. So I've weened down from ¾ to ¼ in one week. But I had a Lunesta hangover all day today. I took the pill too late. When you do that you have a headache and you think slowly most of the next day. That was sure me this morning. So, going into the weekend I'd like to set the goal of ¼ a Lunesta each night. Then next week we can be done.

My wife Stacey had a talk with me that really made sense. First, she corrected me. I haven't been taking Lunesta for 2 ½ years. I've been taking it for about FOUR. She reminded me that I started to sleep poorly right after our first son was born. But she told the that it's not like I don't know how to sleep. I slept fine for most of my life. I've just freaked myself out. I have to change my mentality and just realize that I don't need this for my body to be tired. She made it sound so easy. And I think she's right. By the end of next week I'll be off this sh^%!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Guy Least Likely To Have Sex...

Here is the video that we played on the air. Bert came across this video online and thought this guys is possibly the least likely guy to ever get sex! What a total dork! (WARNING - contains adult language!!!) Check it out!

Bert's Magic Potion...

Last night I took a bed time cocktail that consisted of three phosphatidylserine's, one magnesium pill and slightly less than 1 Lunesta. I took Darren's advice and kept most of the light's off for an hour before I went to bed. I slept REALLY well. REALLY well. 51/2 hours straight through without getting up. That's HUGE for me. Uninterrupted sleep? Unheard of.

In the morning I'm now drinking a protein drink to go along with about half a cup of oatmeal. I have to tell you. This drink gave me so much energy 'til about 1:30 that I'm thinking about losing coffee once I'm done with the Lunesta war. The protein drink consists of:
8oz. waterA shot of Acai 100 (it's a fruit that has higher detoxing qualities than blueberries)
1 Tablespoon of Flax Seed
A whole Banana
Handful of strawberries
Quick squirt of Organic Blue Agave
1 Scoop of Nitrogreens
2 scoop of Living Fuel's Living Protein

I was focused, sharp and, as I said, energetic 'til about 1:30pm. The thing I like about all of this is that ALL OF IT IS NATURAL outside of the Lunesta. Tonight's goal is a little less Lunesta.

Bert Couldn't Do It!

Damn it. I couldn't do it. My intention was to go cold turkey on the Lunesta last night. I wussed out and took some. I guess I started stressing out about it around 7pm. By the time 9:30 rolled around the thought of getting zero sleep was overwhelming. So, instead of taking my usual ¾ I decided I'd ween myself off the medicine. I took only half a pill. I sort of thought my body wouldn't react. That it needed more. But it didn't. I went out pretty well. Maybe a good idea to ween? Maybe not? I've received a bunch of emails supporting both sides really.

I saw Darren, the "health coach," today. Here was his advice:
-the weening can't hurt. Might even help.
-take tryptophan and magnesium before bed
-Use only low level light the final hours of the night.
-DO NOT watch tv before going to sleep. He thinks the images and light are stimulating from some and wants to create an atmosphere of calm.
-Delegate more work to avoid stress -Make a list of the items in my life I actually have control of. He thinks seeing the amount of stuff that you DON'T have control of gives some peace of mind.
-Exercise every day
-Try and get a little sunshine every day
-More sex (Doctors orders!)

I usually take a short nap in the daytime. Around 12:30 I'll fall asleep. For five minutes. Never more than 10 minutes. My body won't let me sleep any longer or I would. But today I couldn't fall asleep. So, maybe I'll be tired tonight and will take only ¼.

It's 8pm. My eyes are tired but my body is awake, damn it. I'll check in with ya tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bert's Going Cold Turkey!

I'm addicted to sleeping pills! But tonight I'm going cold turkey and not taking them anymore!

I know a lot of you struggle with sleep, as well. Maybe we can share our stories and help each other out.

It started about two years ago, I guess. One night I put my head down on the pillow and my heart started beating like I had just finished 45 minutes of cardio.

I wasn't stressed out. I wasn't thinking about work. I wasn't thinking about anything personal. My mind wasn't even racing.

I was tired but my heart just kept racing enough to keep me up. I figured it was one bad night of sleep. Well, that turned into another bad night of sleep; same symptoms. One night led into another 'til I was averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. I was cranky. I was short tempered. I was tired all day.

Again, not even stressed out.

I had to get some sleep. Somebody told that you couldn't get addicted to ambien so I started to take it. It was too strong for me. I was stumbling up the stairs to get bed. So I switched to Lunesta. I'm a little dude so a pill of 3m seemed like plenty. But, again, it was too much for me. So I started taking ¼ of a pill of Lunesta every night to go to sleep. That did the trick. For a while. Then ¼ turned into ½. Now ½ has turned into ¾. My body is adjusting.

My addiction is so bad that I'll take the pill in my pocket when I got to events during the week. I have to pop it by 9pm or I'm too groggy in the morning to do the show. So, I'll leave the party at 9pm and pop the pill on my way home. I have exactly one half an hour 'til the effects kick in and I have to be off the road. By 9:30 I'm home. By 9:40 I'm in bed. By 9:45 I'm out like a light.

If I go to a movie with my wife during the week I'm constantly checking the time during the movie and will pop the pill at 9pm before the movie is over. Stacey will drive home from the theater at the grogginess kicks in for me.

I take them on vacation.

I can't sleep without them anymore. It's got a hold of me.

This year my goal was to get into great shape. And I have. One of my best friends, Dolvett, owns a gym called Bodysculptorinc ( He has busted my ass. Years ago I started seeing a nutritionist (illana katz at and she taught me how to boost my metabolism by eating properly. I feel great and my body is right where I want it to be. I feel some pride when my shirt is off. I really feel like I'm in the best shape I've been in for some time.

Except for this damn pill! So last week I saw a "health coach." His name is Darren Fink (4047863612) and he specializes in holistic medicine. He has done all sorts of tests on me. I'm waiting on the results from a cortisol ( test that I took. But Darren thinks that due to me weird work schedule that my Circadian Rhythm is all jacked up ( He has me on a phosphatidylserine ( It's a natural way to suppress those cortisol levels. We'll see if it works. I trust this guy. He actually got rid of my wife's migraines. Got her off all the drugs she was on and into a healthy pattern and after 5 years she'd not having headaches. I'm gonna give this guy a shot.

Either way, tonight is the night I'm going cold turkey off the Lunesta. No more. Just gonna stop taking it! I might only get two hours of sleep each night for the next week but I have to get off this stuff. I don't want to be dependent on it anymore.

I'll let you know how it goes. But I'm scared. I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. I'm scared of being frustrated by staring at the ceiling wondering when I'm going to get tired. I'm tired of getting up, going downstairs to watch TV, and going back into bed only to go back downstairs to kill more time. I'm afraid it's going to affect my job performance. I'm scared I'm going to snap at my wife and kids for awhile. I'm afraid I'm going to be back on this computer at midnight writing you guys again.

All I know is that I have to shake this 'cause the thought of being addicted to anything is worse than anything for me.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Run, Melissa, Run....All The Way To BRONZE

Yes, the title is to the tune of Forrest Gump, since I am in the middle of training for a 100 meter race.I heard you. Melissa? RUNNING? It's for a good cause, since I am an athlete in the Transplant Games.

Read more HERE...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Bert Says, "Huh?"

You have got to be kidding me?!!!

Bert Finds Fun Stuff Online

I've proven that it's tough for me to get around to actually blogging as much as I'd like to. Ideally I'd like to use this space to give you guys some insight into my life or show that you won't get listening to the Bert Show. But sometimes I just want to post stuff I find on line while researching material for the Bert Show that I think is either funny, shocking or at least interesting.

Here's one from this week. Warning: there's a bad word in here. But imagine that you have no idea that your soon-to-be husband is THIS guy right before your wedding.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Bert Too Racy For JEZEBEL?

Here's an article I wrote for Jezebel magazine. They said it was too racy for the magazine. So I thought I'd throw it at you guys.


Women are sexual liars! I don't blame you. If men had the same impossibly restricting sexual code that women have placed on them from birth then men might lie about their sexual past like most women do. I just think it's important to get to the truth; women are sexual liars!

Women are well aware of how many sexual partners that they've had. But, as a rule, women will divide that number in about 1/3 in public conversations. Women have a sexual "number" that they MUST stay under. If not they brand themselves as dirty. And no woman can admit she's dirty, right? If a woman has sex with an "ex" it doesn't get added to her sexual odometer because they've had sex with him previously. This defies the rules of basic math. But I understand that women can do that because…because they are women.

It's still not acceptable that women have as high a sexual need as men. So the "he forced me into cheating" lie was created. We're supposed to believe that men cheat because we are insatiable. It's not acceptable for a woman to have the same sexual appetite so women lie and say that her partner was so rotten that she had no other option. Is it a crazy thought to assume that one option was to actually leave the relationship?

The "Born again Virgin" lie protects a woman's self esteem as well. Common sense tells you that if you have sex ONE time you're not a virgin anymore. Ladies, there is no way to erase your sexual past. If you had sex with half of the Lambda Chi house back in '94 you can't be a virgin anymore because you will it.

Lie. Lie. Lie. Protect your sexual self esteem, ladies. Guys do it. Few men have as many sexual partners as they say. Few men are as well endowed as Sea Biscuit. And most can't last 'til midnight much less all night long.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dates 22-29...Conclusion coming soon!

Dates 28 and 29 Below: Both of these were speed dates at a concert I went to on Wednesday night. At this point, I was ready to be done with this dating experience. really took at toll, which is why I've been slacking on getting the blog posted.

I'll call date 29 "Artist." He paints, which I thought was really cool. We went and sat on a couch outside the venue and just chatted. He was funny...and now he owes me a painting! was fun...(I caught him off guard in the pic)
Date 28...Again, I was at the concert and just chatted. Another speed date OLE!

Date 27...Was with good ole Johnny O! We ended up at delicious Applebees. He is such a genuine, nice guy. Seriously, it was his birthday the day we went out on our lunch date. I got him a present...but he would NOT let me pay for lunch, even though it was his birthday! I need to find him a good girl! Any takers?

Date 26...was with a guy I am calling Mr. Burns...haha...he said he got sunburnt easily! =) We went to Twisted Taco and had some delicious food and a drink. He's a super good guy...very sweet! Definitely a great catch.

*Forgot to upload the pic of 25, but needed to get these posted ASAP*

Date 24...was with a guy I'm calling "JT." I'm calling him this because I asked him what he did for a living, and he told me he was in a boy band. It kind of threw me off, but it was hilarious! I met his sisters (on the right) the past Thursday at Twisted Taco. They wanted me to go out with "JT" who was in town from Philly. We ended up at Park Tavern on Sunday. It was such an awesome day...we ate outside...had great conversation! (Definitely a great date place). He was funny and we got along great! His sisters ended up joining us about an hour and a half later...and we all had a couple of drinks! His sisters are sooooo much fun! It just sucks he doesn't live here. =(

Date 23...was another speed date...he is such a sweetheart!

Date definitely recognizable...I'll call him "DJ" cause that's what he does. Needed a date for the night and he was there!