I've managed to live my life relatively regret free. I jumped down a flight of stairs at a fraternity and jacked up my knee. It's never been the same. I regret that. When I left my hometown of San Diego for a job offer in Washington, DC I brought with me a girl I knew wasn't going to last forever. Within six months she was on a plane back to California. I just was too scared to move alone and made a huge mistake by asking her to move with me. I regret that.
Now the latest.
Everybody told me not to do it. Everybody told me to wait. Everybody told me the timing was all wrong. But I was bullheaded and arrogant and selfish. I bought two English Bulldog puppies months before our second son, Hollis, was born. I figured I'd have them trained and when the new baby came they'd rely on each other while my family adjusted to the new baby. Then life would be back to normal and I'd have plenty of time to spend with the dogs.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I was naïve and stupid and totally wrong. I never had time for the dogs. I was so stressed out trying to finish up work to spend what remaining time I had left in my day with my kids that the dogs were neglected. Yea. I'd spend ten minutes here and ten minutes there with them. But for most of the day, they were by themselves with little family interaction. My wife was juggling both kids and sure didn't have time to spend with them either. It was totally unfair to the dogs. I saw them begging for attention and I just couldn't give it to them. I saw them getting more sad each day.
My thought is that when you buy a dog you make a life-long commitment to that dog. So, I tried for months and months each day to carve out more time each day for the dogs. But every time I seemed to have any extra time for the dogs, my five year old was begging to play baseball or play with him. Or the new baby was crying and needed to be fed or held.
So, after painfully struggling with this for months I knew what the right thing was to do. Find the dogs a better home. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was having big time loyalty issues. Until I realized that I could make the initial bad decision to get the dogs even worse by keeping them. I didn't see any way to make more time for them.
My only thought was that if I couldn't find a family that would adopt BOTH of them then I'd figure out a way to make this work . They grew up together and they are inseperable. I called my breeder. A great guy named Jason at Puppy Chase kennels. Nobody cares more about these dogs than he does and I knew he'd place them in a great home. He totally understood and said he already knew the perfect family for them. A family that had a few kids that probably couldn't afford the initial costs but has always wanted Bulldogs. Within twenty four hours he placed them in a better home than I could provide.
I am 100% clear that the right decision was finding them a better family that could give them the time that they need. But I can't seem to stop beating myself up for getting them in the first place.
14 comments:
You made the right decision Bert, even though it was hard. It was best for the puppies in the long run!
Bert I know how you feel my husband and I had to put our beloved Sadie to sleep a couple of weeks ago she was our first child and we sat in the car and cried out eyes out but it was for the best she was dying.
You did what was best for your family. The dogs deserve a good home and a family that can take care and love them, sometimes it break our hearts to make the right decision but in the long run it's for the best.
Good luck with the knee and I love your show keep up the good work.
Oh, Bert! That is so sad! I know everyone is telling you that you've done the right thing and I'll be no different. Giving up your furry children is gut-wrenching. I'm facing the same issue and mine WON'T be easy to place. Just know that time will heal and the kids won't hate you! Better to give them up with the wonderful memories to comfort you.
Do not beat yourself up over it. That family was probably so psyched to get 2 cool, expensive puppies that they never could have aforded if you hadn't given them away. And the puppies are going to be fine..
Bert,
Stop beating yourself up. IMO, you negated your original bad decision by making the right decision to find them a new home. And, it is also my opinion that you didn't necessarily make a bad decision by adopting them in the first place. You are a responsible and loving pet owner and, they were already in a good home before you had to put them in a new one. You did not abuse them and took care of them. And, by deciding to give them to a home better equipped to give them all of the attention that they needed, you did right by them.
So, stop beating yourself up! You are a better pet owner than some by that simple and heartfelt act!
Bert, you did the right thing. Until December we had 3 dogs. We lost our old lady-dog but knew there was a baby on the way, so we did not get a new puppy. While our two remaining dogs have been great with the baby, I know that a puppy would have been the wrong decision for us, the baby, & the other dogs. I am totally a dog person, and know you will miss your puppies. Just think about how much fun it will be in a few years to get a puppy that your kids can call their own.
Bert-
Stop beating yourself up over this. I know how you feel. You feel guilty, like you have just given up on them. You feel like a bad person when these animals depended on you for stability and happiness and you couldn't give it to them. I recently went through a similar thing with a pet that had become increasingly dependant over the last 2 years and was having health issues that required more attention than we had time to give. I had her for almost 6 years but because her quality of life was poor (she had to be secluded a lot of the time so she could rest)and when she was out of seclusion, the other dogs were not nice to her. We stuggled for so long but know now that she will be loved and given the attention she needs and deservs. My husband and I felt horrible while making this decision and struggled for so long because we also feel like getting an animal is a life-long commitment. However, knowing that we, sadly, were unable to provide this otherwise sweet animal with the attention she needed and deserved, we had to ultimately make the decidion to give her a better life. We only recently moved her out of our home so it is still fairly new to us as well. But we just keep reminding ourselves that it was for the best. She is happy and living the life she deserves now. Have faith, it will get easier and you won't regret the decision forever.
I agree with the previous comments. You made the right decision about giving the puppies to someone who could give them the attention that they needed.
Last summer, my husband and I adopted a puppy from a local shelter. We discovered within a week that the puppy had some health issues. We both cried about it, but knew the right decision was to give the puppy back. We couldn't give it the life it needed. Six months later, we welcomed a healthy 2 year old beagle into our family.
Bert, I know how excited you were about getting the puppies, especially after the loss of your other dog. However, part of being a good parent (to dogs and children) is being able to put aside the selfishness and think of what is best in the long run for the whole family. You made the hard decision and did the best thing. Really. If I could hug you, I would and then I would look you in the eye and say I am proud of you.
Hi Bert,
You absolutely made the right decision. As a mother of a newborn and a dog mother of 3 westies, I understand your dilemma, your pain, and your struggle. It is such a juggling act! My saving grace is she is my only child. I can tell you that Dude and Body are in a great home and that Jason chose the family well. Dude and Body are with my best friend and my god sons and are doing very well! My friend has emailed me photos and updates ever since they came home. I hope this information eases your heart a little. Take care!
Usually the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. You know, I think you're a good pet daddy for realizing you had to let them go....
~Morocco Nicole~
I totally understand what you mean. When I was pregnant with my second child I had a dream, yes I know wierd isn't it. Anyway, in this dream my son was content when I held my new born baby because he was playing with the little golden cockerspaniel and they played nicely together and it was picture perfect. My husband, who tried his best to make me happy, (because during the second pregnancy I've become somewhat hostile to him. I swear it was hormones and shock. I promise) went and bought a liver and white English springer spaniel. She was so very cute. The downside, I wound up being more stressed because my son and the dog were constantly running around me in circles. The dog was scared of everything that lived outside and did not want to catch on quickly to going to the potty outside when others took her out for me. I became over worked and very very pregnant. It hurt because I did like the dog when she was not playing with my son and I didn't really have time to train her and play with her properly one on one. We wound up taking her to the animal shelter and was going to check her in when a woman came up to us and asked if we were adopting her. It turned out to be a blessing because she was looking for a dog like ours for her mother. So, after exchanging numbers and me letting the dog go. The dog found a place that she can get all the attention. It was hard for me and I cried, but it was the best thing for the dog. So, I understand what you mean and you did do the right thing, that's why your a really good daddy.
Bert - while you did the responsible thing in giving the dogs up, and your dogs were lucky in that you found them a great home, I would like to point out to you that your dogs are in the very slim minority. Thousand of people get dogs every year only to realise that they can't cope with them, and the majority of these dogs are then euthanised. Only this week I found a dog TIED TO A TREE on a very short leash (maybe 6 inches) that had been abandoned by her owners. As someone had called animal control before we could take the dog home, she now sits on death row (4 days left to live) in Fulton County Animal Shelter, while we try to get through the endless reams of red tape to try and get her out of that place (84% of dogs that go to FCAS are euthanized) Your two no-longer wanted dogs are by far in the minority, and are lucky.
If you consider getting a dog again, I would ask you look at the local rescue groups instead of buying an expensive dog. There are thousands of unwanted pets literally dying for a good home.
People really need to understand the responsibility and commitment that comes with getting a dog. AND SPAY AND NEUTER.
Trust me as a total dog lover and sap in general when it comes to pets, it was the right thing to do. Any time the home they go to is better than what you can or are currently providing, it's a good thing. Even if it hurts.
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